Stupid
by Elizabeth Turner
Summary: Songfic to Sarah McLachlan's 'Stupid' Over the summer at Grimauld Place, Severus proves to be Ginny's savior, but is he hiding something? angst, depression, treachory, and an eating disorder
1. Prologue

Stupid  
  
Prologue  
  
Black. What do you think of? I think of him. Of his robes, his hair, his eyes, his soul, his heart. However nonexistent people may think his heart is, it does exist. Though it is black as the night, it does exist. He once told me that I unfroze his heart, warmed his soul and brought passion back into his life.  
  
I would love to believe that. I really would. But something in his eyes kept me from ever believing his word. I did though, in the beginning, trust him with my life. I persuaded my friends, my family into trusting him. And in that act, brought on by my blind love for him, I jeopardized the safety that everyone had spent there lifetimes trying to secure.  
  
I bet you are thoroughly confused by this. Do not worry, all will be explained.  
  
Where should I begin? I suppose the begininning will sufice...  
  
A/N Yes i know...i've started another story...but don't shoot me just yet...i won't abandon my pride and joy...away from me will be my first priority...i think it is rather good...hehe...oh yeah...if anyone wants to take over 'love knows no rules' feel free...just tell me first...ok?


	2. Night, All It's Splendor

Stupid  
Chapter 1  
Night, In All It's Splendor

I sat on the railing and watched as the moon faded from the sky and the night went into hiding. I loved this time of morning. Time seems to stop, for just a second, and all the worries of the world seem to go away. And in that fleeting second, I find perfect serenity. But when that second ends, my anxiety returns with full force.  
  
Everything comes back to me. This time it hit even harder. For you see, last night, I learned that my parents were dead. It had hit us hard enough when Ron was killed, but when I learned that the two people who had loved me, who had raised me, who had always been there for me, had died, I felt I couldn't go on. But here I am, going on.  
  
I hadn't eaten since last tuesday, when mother and father went missing. Today being sunday, I felt extremely weak. But I straightened up and concentrated on the dewy morning grass, rather than death and hunger.  
  
Ah, hunger. I relished in it. I forgot the grass and focused on that. The lovely pang you start to feel when you smell a good home-cooked meal from the kitchen that turns into full on pain as the time draws on. It soon fades into a numbing little voice mumbling feed me' at every turn.  
  
I had never thought of pain as an escape, but this seemed to work. And I could stand to lose a few pounds anyway.  
  
As tuesday turned into wednesday and wednesday turned into thursday, I found myself standing in front of the mirror for longer and longer periods of time. I had not yet attained a scale, but I planned on getting one on a Hogsmeade visit in the coming months. So, the mirror had to be my only consolation.  
  
As the days passed on and the hunger grew, the me in the mirror began to grow larger, thicker, if you will, which made absolutely no sense to me, because I had not eaten anything. Well, I asumed it was my duty to fix it. So I continued to starve.  
  
As I did when I watched the night fade into morning.  
  
I wavered a bit on the railing, but was caught by a pair of comforting hands and a soothing, familiar voice.  
  
Your family has already suffered enough death. Don't add yourself to there pain. He whispered in my ear.  
  
My hunger took a backseat to the anger that swelled in my stomach.  
  
For your information, I said without turning around to see who this man was, I was not about to commit suicide. I'm not a coward, you know.  
  
His grip on my shoulders grew harder and I let out a yelp of pain. I wriggled from his grasp and turned around, only to meet two, black eyes, looking square in my eyes, as if trying to gaze into my soul.  
  
Do not take that tone of voice with me. He said venomously, pressing me against the railing.  
  
I looked away, and found my sight of view was clouded by black robes, billowing in the early morning breeze.  
  
My breathing became harsh and ragged, my air supply being cut off. He seemed to take notice and backed away from me. Finally I had a chance to look at the face of the man who was to be our new boarder.  
  
My eyes immediatly shot to his face, my mind frantic in it's search for answers. I nearly tumbled over the railing when I saw that sallow skin, that hooked nose, that black hair.  
  
I froze right then and there and spoke the one word my mind could produce at a time like this. Night lift up the shades  
let in the brilliant light of morning'  
  
A/N: what do u think?? i know it's a smidgen short...but i like the ending...teehee...swear words have always been my favorite...favorite what i'm not quite sure...but just the same...hehe...i also like my little hunger description...i was actually hungry when i was writing that...so ya...realistic?...i think so...hehe...much x3 


	3. Open Fire

Stupid  
Chapter 2

And there I stood, freezing in my pajamas, backed against the railing by my Professor. My Potions Professor. Severus Snape. Ex-Death Eater and spy extroadinaire.  
  
Joy of fucking joys.  
  
He didn't seem to care that my parents had died, or that I was still grieving. He was intently focused on me. His stare was cold and penetrating, and as he continued watching me, I felt violated, like he was raping me with his eyes.  
  
I hadn't the slightest doubt in my mind that he would, should he get the chance, rape me.  
  
As my mind raced with these thoughts, my stomach lurched, and my vision grew cloudy. I grasped onto the railing, but to no avail. I blacked out but was caught before I hit the ground.  
  
When I awoke, I was in an unfamiliar part of Grimauld Place, and in an unfamiliar bed. I sat up and looked around the room. It was dilapidated, as was the rest of the house, but it looked as if someone had at least put an effort into trying to fix it up.  
  
The regular, grey, moth-eaten curtains were colored black, as were the walls. The water spots on the ceiling were still visible, but only if you stared at it long enough.  
  
The bed, however, was completely new. Or a very well handled antique. It was a large mahogany four poster bed, complete with black satin sheets and a scene from the judgement of paris' carved into the headboard.  
  
I marveled at this room and wondered why the hell I was not staying here.  
  
Just as I settled back down into the pillows, a smug laugh echoed throughout the room.  
  
How are you feeling, Miss Weasley? He asked, emerging from the doorway.  
  
I lied, feeling like someone had cursed me like there was no tomorrow. I just had a bit of a fainting spell. That's all.  
  
He came and sat next to me. That's not all. I've been here nearly a week now, and not once have I seen you eat. I felt trapped. I couldn't breathe. I thought I was going to faint again. Calm down. I'm not here to punish you, though your anorexic tendencies have not gone unnoticed. He placed a warm hand on my back and began moving it in comforting circles.  
  
When my breathing evened out, I spoke in a quiet tone. Who knows? I asked, intently focused on my hands.  
  
Well, Potter, for one, has been particularly worried about you. He had the audacity to accuse me of rape. Ha. He said coldly, removing his hand from my back.  
  
I sighed. I'm not anoretic, you know. I've just had a hard week, what with...my...parents... I drifted off, tears welling in my eyes. I couldn't think about my parents now, not when I was being confronted by Snape. I'm sorry, I said, whiping away the tears, I would prefer not to talk about it.  
  
I understand. He said quietly, My parents died when I was around your age. Murdered by my Uncle Ramulese. He wanted the fortune my grandfather had left my father when he died.  
  
This had taken me completely off guard. I was not ready to discuss my parents yet, but it was nice to know that someone, aside from Harry, knew what I was going through. Even if that person happened to be Severus Snape.  
  
I looked over at him, expecting to see him in his normal, cold state. Instead, I saw tears running down his cheeks. His expression was the same, unfeeling mask, and the tears seemed completely out of place. It was as if his mask had cracked in two places and was now leaking emotion.  
  
I put my hand on his, feeling that words were not appropriate right now. He looked up and met my gaze. I smiled a geniune smile, hoping he would not burst into hysterics.  
  
He did not. Thank Merlin.  
  
He simply wiped his eyes, and regained his composer, just as I had done seconds before.  
  
Come on. He said, taking my hand and urging me out of bed. Let's get you something to eat.  
  
I opened my mouth in protest, but my stomach rumbled, which was enough for me to realize that maybe, just maybe, I was hungry. I laughed and followed him down to the kitchen.  
  
He looked over his shoulder occasionally, as if to make sure I was still there.  
  
When we got to the kitchen, I sat myself down in the nearest chair and slumped over onto the table. I was extremely tired and felt that sleep would be a good breakfast.  
  
Snape had other ideas.  
  
Now Miss Weasley, we are not here to sleep. We are here to get you properly fed so you won't pass out again. Understand? He said whilst rummaging through the cabinets.  
  
I let out a muffled yes', my head still in my arms. A few minutes later a loud thud came down on the wooden table. My head shot upwards to find a bowl of cereal that Snape had thrown down on the table.  
  
Now that I have your undivided attention, eat. He said, staring down at me.  
  
I raised an eyebrow. That makes no sense.  
  
It doesn't have to. He said, the slits of his eyes narrowing while he gestured to the bowl.  
  
I simply stared at the bowl, ignoring the incessent pang of hunger in my stomach. I heard Snape heave a great sigh and sit himself in the chair next to me.  
  
I stared at him definiantly, trying to convey to him, through my eyes, that I was not going to back down. Weakness was not an option.

_but steady there now  
for I am weak and starving for mercy'  
_

A/N: hey...it's two friggin pages...what do u want? u can only write so much with two friggin lines of lyrics...psht...some ppl...hehe...hope u like...right now i am struggling with anorexia...and i'm trying to use this as a way of recovery...so ya...i know what i'm talking about...dude...if anyone reviews and is like that's not how an anoretic thinks blah blah blah' i'm going to fucking kill them...i will...in a figurative manner that is...i don't think i can kill ppl...for god sakes i can't even kill myself...muh...wat r u gonna do?...btw...this story is about to get muuuuuuuuch darker...always fun! 


	4. Dance and Explode

Stupid

Chapter 3

Dance and Explode

Less than two minutes later, I rested my satiated self against the back of the chair. I raised my hand to my mouth, covering a small burp then muttering an even smaller "excuse me." Snape just sat back, watching me and trying not to smile. However, his smile could not be concealed after I patted my stomach in an exaggerated fashion. In fact, the two of us broke out into a fit of giggles.

Once his laughter had subsided, he said, "See, eating isn't so bad."

I suddenly became very quiet. I realized the huge weight in the bottom of stomach. I felt bloated and disgusting. The one thing I thought I could control, he now had control over.

I shrugged, concentrating very hard on my hands in my lap, "I guess."

"You guess?" He asked, incredulously. "Without food, one cannot survive. It's one of the most basic facts of life!"

"And what if I don't want to survive? What if I want to join my brother and parents? What if I don't bloody care about anything anymore?" I screamed.

He sighed, again. "It's barely been a week, Ginevra. The pain and the difficulty of this burden have only just begun. Do not give up when this hasn't yet had the chance to test your character." He looked away, almost embarrassed. "There is something I've been meaning to speak with you about. The reason I am here is because Dumbledore has ordered it. You are under my care until school resumes, at which point your custody will be placed with whoever Dumbledore wishes."

I sunk even lower into my chair. Little orphan Ginny had now been taken under the wing of evil Professor Snape. "But, what about my brothers?" I asked.

"As you know, Percy has been in cohorts with Lord Voldemort, so he is most certainly out of the question. Fred and George are hardly in Dumbledore's favor at the moment. As much as he knows they love you, he also knows how terribly irresponsible and young those two are. Charlie is in some eastern European country attempting to train dragons to fight against the Dark Lord, which leaves him quite unable to care for a child."

"Child?!?" I nearly yelled. "I am no child. I am sixteen years old and I deserve to be treated like the woman I am." I said, defiantly.

"Regardless of what you deserve, you will receive nothing more than I can provide. I assure you, I am quite a capable guardian."

There was no fighting this. Whatever Dumbledore wanted, Dumbledore got. If he wanted Professor Snape to watch over me for the remaining summer months, I suppose it had to be. Still, I'd never known Snape to be the kind of person to care about anyone, or anything, for that matter.

"However," he went on, "I understand full well how this feels. The loss and the loneliness. You're forced to grow up much too fast. You're forced to deal with things that are supposed to be too far beyond the comprehension of a teenager." Tentatively, he put a hand near mine. I moved my hand gently underneath his so that he was holding my hand in his. I looked up and met his gaze, only to turn away moments later, blushing over my shoulder. He smiled and said, "I may not be much help, but I am here if you need someone to talk to. I may not be the most emotionally available person, but this is one thing I am able to empathize with you." We sat there in a contented silence for a minute or so. I focused my gaze squarely on his hand covering mine.

Softly, he spoke again. "Is there anything you need?"

I smiled up at him, finally finding the courage to look him in the eyes. "Yeah. Another bowl of cereal."

'_Sleep has left me alone,_

_To carry the weight of unraveling where we went wrong.'_

A/N: Damn it's been a long time. I promise constant updates from here on in. Maybe ... lol


	5. Tired of Days That Feel Like the Night

Stupid

Chapter 4

I'm So Tired of Days That Feel Like the Night

In the coming days, my sleep schedule changed dramatically. I slept through the day with a towel stuck under my doorway and my blinds completely closed so no sunlight could get in. I'd wake just after the sun would set. For the first few days, I'd creep downstairs once the gentle patter of the only other inhabitant of the house's feet had ceased. I'd wander through the kitchen, relishing in the feeling of clean porcelain tile on my bare feet. I'd open the back door and step out into the grassy field behind the house. I'd never go too far, just a few feet away. I'd sit in the dewy grass and pull at the daisy's scattered randomly around me.

The beauty of this spot was that I felt like I was sitting directly under the moon. Sometimes I'd wonder if the moon had the opposite effect on one's skin than the sun. My shadow seemed to stretch for miles behind me. The sky was never cloudy at night in the summer nor did the wind seem to blow. Everything was silent. Time seemed to stop for those few hours of darkness. I'd stay out there while the sky faded from black to deep blue. Just before the sky took on a purple tint, there was always a moment of pure gray. Not light, not dark, just gray. This was the reason I'd stay up so late. There was beauty in that bland color, if you could even call it a color. Once purple began to bleed into the sky, I'd walk slowly back to my room and repeat the process again the next night.

One night, I realized that I had mutilated all the daisies within my reach. I flopped on my back, closed my eyes and lay my arms out. The thought of "reverse tanning" came into my mind once again. I giggled and opened my eyes. Just behind me, standing on the balcony I stood on that first night, was Snape.

He was looking down at me. Perhaps this was the first night he'd done this. Perhaps not. He looked almost ethereal, standing in the gentle glow of the moonlight. He was like something out of one of those old muggle films my father used to bring home, just black and white. He was devoid of all color. Dressed from head to toe in his typical black attire, the only skin exposed was his face and hands. He would've looked like a statue if not for the constant rise and fall of his chest.

I closed my eyes and sat back up, hugging my knees to my chest. I was no longer looking up at the moon like I normally did, but straight ahead at the endless grassy knolls stretched out before me. Curiously, I peered behind me, but he wasn't at the balcony any longer. I turned back to the field ahead of me.

"So this is where you've been hiding," a deep voice rumbled behind me.

I didn't bother to turn around. "How long were you up there?"

"Tonight? Since before the sun went down." I could hear his footsteps coming closer and closer.

"And the other nights?" I asked, just peeking over my shoulder.

"Well, considering you've been dedicated to this insomnia fueled tryst for 6 nights now," he sighed softly as he sat down next to me, "I'd say I've been watching you up there for, let's see..."

"6 nights?" I interrupted.

"Such a presumptuous observation from a girl who doesn't usually move while out here, unless it's too rip up daisies."

I smirked, "You just proved my point. How would you know my normal behavior out here if you hadn't been watching me consistently?"

He nudged my shoulder with his and smirked right back. "Don't flatter yourself. I'm your _guardian_, remember? In fact, the first night I didn't have a clue as to where you had run off to."

I looked up at him, resting my cheek on my knees. He looked at me with a puzzled expression. "What?" He asked.

"Why don't you ever smile?"

He looked away, tossing his head back and resting on his forearms for support. "For the same reason you aren't smiling now. I'm lonely. Why smile if you can't share that smile with someone else?"

I stretched my legs out in front of me, leaning on my arms in the same fashion as him. "But, at school, you're surrounded by people. Hundreds of people."

"Do I know any of those people beyond the bounds of a professional relationship? Better yet, do I want to know any of those people beyond the bounds of a professional relationship?"

I didn't have a response, despite the fact that those were obviously rhetorical questions. I didn't understand how someone could be so utterly devoid of emotion simply because they were lonely. I take that back, I guess I did understand. "Don't you have any hope of meeting someone who'd make you smile?"

"I've given up." He said with a shrug.

"So if someone gorgeous girl, or boy, fell into-"

"I don't like men, thank you." He corrected, sternly.

"Sorry." I said, trying to hold in a giggle. "So if someone ridiculously attractive woman fell into your lap, you wouldn't smile?"

He paused. "That situation has yet to happen and I doubt it ever will, therefore no response is necessary."

There it was. That shell again. He spoke like a robot when he was uncomfortable.

I'd grown out of my shell a few years ago. However, I'd get shy and run away rather than act like I had no soul. Now, my cover was to laugh or make someone else laugh. It's more of a nervous twitch than a cover, really. If I don't know what to do or say, I'll revert to being too damn cute.

It may have been forward and it may have been completely outrageous, but I couldn't help myself. I stood up just to fall exaggeratedly into his lap. He let out a struggled 'oomph' as I landed on him. I had fallen lengthwise over his lap, a hand at my forehead and my eyes closed in the typical "damsel in distress" pose.

I opened one eye and peered up at him. "Well?" I whispered. "What are you going to do now?"

His expression was priceless. His eyes were wider than anything I'd witnessed before, his mouth was hanging ajar and I could've sworn I saw a bit of pink tinge his pale skin. "Um, excuse me, Miss Weasley, but would you mind removing yourself from my lap, please?" He asked nervously.

"I would mind it very much, actually. You haven't given me an answer yet."

He looked around exasperatedly. "I don't know what I'm supposed to do."

"That's not what I asked." I said, sitting up now. "Well, I guess you don't have to say anything, you can tell me with your actions." He just gaped at me. "Mr. Snape," I said in a mocking tone, "you have got a gorgeous young woman who has just fallen into your lap and you are simply staring at her? This kind of stammering and nervousness I'd expect from a Hufflepuff, but not from a Slytherin."

I guess I hit a nerve. He glared venomously at me. "I am no Hufflepuff." He said, as if those four words were the gravest, most serious words he'd ever have to utter. With that, he rose with me in his arms. "I'll tell you what I'd do. I'd take her in my arms and have my way with her." Now I was the one who was left speechless. I could not believe he just said that. My professor who, before now had never shown a single emotion, simply skipped emotions altogether and went straight to overt sexuality. Unless you count lust as an emotion. "Such stammering and nervousness I'd expect from a Hufflepuff, but not from a courageous Gryffindor."

I looked him in the eye, trying to imitate his same glare. He just smirked. I became terrified. As he turned and began walking into the house, I started to panic. "You answered my question, so everything's fine now." I said, hurriedly.

"Oh no, Ginevra, you want me to tell you with my actions." He said, still smirking with me still in his arms.

"Um, NO. It's really okay. I get the point. Thank you and good night, sir." I said, even faster than before, trying to find someway out of this situation.

As we passed through the kitchen, I resorted to physically struggling to free myself from his arms. "Oh calm down," he said as he passed the stairs and set my down on the couch in the living room, "did you really think I'd do something like that?"

I looked up at him with large, glassy eyes. "Yeah..." I focused my attention squarely on my hands in my lap. After a lengthy silence, I spoke again. "I'm not, like-I don't do _that_."

"And I never said you did, I-"

"You scared the bloody hell out of me, just then." I said harshly, looking back up at him. Again, there was silence. "Excuse me if I'm a bit sensitive about men who have every intention of taking advantage of me."

He knelt in front of me, searching my eyes for an explanation. Suddenly, it dawned on him. "Oh," he said, solemnly, "the diary." He took my hands in his. "Merlin, I'm so sorry. I never meant to frighten you. I was just joking..." he trailed off.

I shrugged, freeing my hands of his. "It's fine."

"No, it's not." He said, sternly. "It's not fine. I am truly sorry." He sat next to me on the couch, wrapping a gentle arm around my shoulders. "Bringing back such painful memories isn't fair, especially so soon after your parents-"

He was interrupted by my sobs. I had begun to tear up at the memory of Tom, but hadn't lost it until he mentioned my parents.

He pulled me closer into him, holding me tighter while stroking my tangled hair with his free hand.

When I had calmed down, he lifted my chin up and looked me gently in the eye. He pulled his sleeve down a bit and wiped away the tears still lingering on my cheeks. "See, all better." He said, softly.

I smiled at him and whispered, "Thank you."

"No need to thank me. I'm just doing what a _guardian_ should. Merlin, that word is so bloody awkward." He said, laughing. I sat there, my face inches from his and stared at him with my mouth gaping. When he noticed my expression, he asked, "What?"

"You're smiling." I said, as a grin spread across my own face.

_It's all I can do to hang_

_To keep me from falling into old familiar shoes_

A/N: I'm rather proud of this chapter. I think it's my favorite so far. I didn't want anything to happen between those two too early in the story. I just wanted to establish a bit of tension. I have a feeling that I may be pulling Snape too far out of his shell a little too fast. I don't know .. what do you think?

So I have a two things to discuss:

1 - Have you seen Jackass 2? You remember when they lock Bam in that wind tunnel and throw a snake in there and one of the guys asks him if he's crying and Bam looks into the camera and says "Yeah..." all quiet like. Well, that's what I pictured Ginny looking like when she says "Yeah..." lol .. sorry, that was my favorite part of the movie.

2 - The next few chapters will be split into parts. I haven't decided if I want 3 or 4 parts, but it will most likely be 3. I've already got those finished, it's just a matter of revision.

**Dracoginnylover24**: Maybe, no. Definitely, yes. lol I've got the next few chapters written already. Thank you so much for your review on the last chapter! I'm glad you enjoy this, so far.

Tell me how I'm doing. I'm writing this not only for my pleasure, but also for yours!

Oh, one more thing, the title is a line from Me and the Moon by Something Corporate. It's one of my favorite songs, so go check it out! lol


	6. Prayer of the Refugee part 1

Stupid

Chapter 5 part 1

Prayer of the Refugee

The two of us spent the day sleeping in awkward positions of the couch. I woke up as he was stirring in the middle of some deep dream. The sun was moving lazily across the floor, it's red glow bleeding over the soft carpet. I sat up slowly, resting on the other arm of the couch, simply watching him sleep. He seemed so innocent, as one often does, when he was sleeping. Looking at him, you'd never think he'd be the kind of person capable of killing.

Killing. Death. Mom and Dad. Ron. I sighed. I wished the pain would just leave. However, knowing how much this hurts, feeling this pain is like a constant reminder of how much I loved them. If I didn't, then I really wouldn't be hurting this much. It was hard though, to imagine myself as an orphan. I'd come of age in a little less than a year. 17 wasn't so far away. Still, I felt like, instead of maturing, I'd devolved back into a helpless child, depending on the man sleeping across from me for support and protection. A man I only knew as that stupid git who taught Potions.

I still wasn't sure how to feel towards him. I didn't know him at all. Still, I felt a terrible longing to cling to him simply because he was the closest thing to family I had. Hermione's parents had taken her out of Hogwarts when they heard of the war and Harry, well, no one outside of the Order knew where he was at the moment. My brothers were completely M.I.A. They hadn't written me once since my parents death. There was no funeral.

I could feel the hot tears stinging my eyes again, threatening to spill and run and bleed down my face, leaving the remnants of my pain in its wake. I hated crying. I was completely exposed to the world, my every flaw, displayed prominently on my cheeks. I felt weak. I hate feeling weak. I was strong and confident and in control. Control. Yes, I was in control.

If I was so in control, why did I feel like I needed Snape so much?

As my mind slowly turned with these thoughts, he woke up. I'm not sure how long he was watching me, but when I noticed him, the sun had all but retreated from sight. "Good evening," he said, stretching his arms above his head and yawning.

"Good evening." I paused, then said, "Thank you, again. I know you don't believe that thanks are in order, but I do. Last night was the first time I've cried since I heard the news."

And the awkward silence set in. I tried to ignore it. I focused on the retreating sun, praying for it to leave faster so I'd have a reason to go outside, to bask in the moon's coveted glow.

Finally, I gave in. "So, uh, did you sleep well?" I asked.

"Fairly well, considering I slept through the entire day." He replied, glancing out the window. "The sun's almost set. Maybe you can explain to me why the dark fascinates you so."

I shrugged. "Maybe."

"Pardon me for being a bit forward but," he cleared his throat, "you're um, rather far away."

I laughed. "Is that a problem?"

"No, no." He quickly retorted. "It's just, last night you seemed like you needed a _hug_." Pronouncing 'hug' like it was a completely foreign word that had never graced his lips before. "I just wanted to make sure you are feeling better. You are in my care, you know. If I am forced to play babysitter for the next few months, I am going to do the job well."

I didn't know why, but hearing that he thought I was just a job, a chore, if you will, upset me. I knew he hadn't volunteered for this, but I thought that, in his cold, strange way, he had begun to care about me. I guess I was wrong.

"Come on," I said with a sigh, "let's go outside. The first stars are coming out and we're going to miss them."

_How stupid could I be?_

_A simpleton could see that you're no good for me_

_But you're the only one I see._

It was odd to have someone else out there with me. Sitting under the moon and thinking, or not thinking, was a very solemn act. It felt okay to be alone out there. For someone who had always been surrounded by family, I had begun to feel comfortable alone.

At first, nothing was said between us. I laid down, looking at the sky, he sat up, looking at the rolling hills in front of us. That night was colder than the others. It felt like a night where you'd go to bed naked but wrap yourself in three layers of blankets because it was cold, but not cold enough for you to put clothes on or to make you hesitate about turning your pillow to the cooler side.

Regardless, being clothed in nothing but a pair of shorts and a white button down shirt I'd stolen from Charlie years back, I was cold. I sat up and pulled my knees to my chest.

"Are you cold?" He asked.

I shrugged. "A little, I guess." He unfastened his cloak at the neck, swung it from his shoulders and offered it to me. I held up a hand. "No, I couldn't."

"Oh come now, you're shivering." Ignoring my refusal, he draped the cloak over my shoulders.

As I held it tight around my body, I was enveloped in its scent. It smelt like burning wood wood and fire whiskey. It smelt like winter. It smelt like last night, when I had fallen asleep in his arms. It smelt strong and safe.

"Thank you." I muttered, still shivering.

He sighed exaggeratedly. "Come here." He said, turning to me and opening his arms. I just looked at him. Are you kidding me? This was such a departure from the icy cold professor I'd known, but I suppose a lot of things had changed in such a short amount of time, this was nothing I should be concerned about.

I moved a bit closer, but it was he who pulled me into his lap. I sat stoic and unmoving, until he put his arms around me and rested his chin on the top of my head.

"Tell me, Miss Weasley." He whispered plainly.

I was confused. "Tell you what?"

"Anything. Everything."

I sighed, thinking of where to begin. "Well, my name is Ginevra Weasley. I think it's a horrid name, but it wasn't my choice. I'm 16 years old. I love DADA but absolutely abhor Potions. No offense."

He chuckled, "None taken. Please, continue."

"I feel like Hogwarts is just a bubble sometimes. It's sheltered from everything that happens in the world and any news we do get is watered down and sugar-coated. I feel like I'm missing out on a childhood because of all this. I feel like everyone is. We lost our innocence the moment we first understood the conotation behind the name 'Voldemort'. There are times when I wish I could've been born a muggle and not have to deal with any of this. There are times when I just want to run away."

"Do you want to run away now?" He asked quietly.

I paused and thought a moment. "No. Not at the moment." I sunk deeper against his chest, "I quite like where I'm...situated."

_How stupid could I be?  
A simpleton could see that you're no good for me  
But you're the only one I see.  
_

A/N: I know there's not much here, but it does mean a lot to me when I get reviews, positive or negative. It just means that people read and care about this story. 2 more parts to this chapter, which will all be up within this week. Hang tight and you'll get them!

**Purple Raveness**: hehe thank you!

**Dracoginnylover24**: I'm so glad you like Snape in this story, as I'm a little unsure if I'm moving too fast or too slow with his character development and the development of his and Ginny's relationship. I do like the way he's coming along, though. The next part will be up shortly, I promise. I've got some last minute revisions I have to do, but I've got my AP US History test on Friday, so I'm terribly busy lol.


	7. Prayer of the Refugee part 2

Stupid

Chapter 5 part 2

Prayer of the Refugee

"You know, when I was at Hogwarts, we had many of the same fears as you do now."

I scoffed. "When you say "we", you mean, the students who weren't in Slytherin, correct?"

"Despite your terribly skewed, misinformed, Gryffindor logic, not every student in Slytherin house is in cohorts with the Dark Lord."

I sighed, defeated. Something was stopping me from exercising my otherwise quick wit. Some odd force was making me exercise caution, instead. Whatever force it was, it was telling me that sitting on the lap of my teacher was fine, while talking back was a giant no-no.

"Your generation, however," he continued, "is straying down a dangerous path. Their parents are forcing them to become Death Eaters, to follow the Dark Lord."

"Why do you call him that?" I interjected.

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me! Why do you call that disgusting thing a lord?" I asked angrily.

He pushed me off his lap after a few moments. I fell onto my side with my back facing him. I propped myself up on my forearms, his cloak threatening to fall from my shoulders. I didn't move until I heard him finally speak up.

"That, young lady, is none of your business." He said quietly through clenched teeth.

I sighed. "See," I said, "we never get to find out anything. Everything is censored. I just want the truth, for once."

"Trust me," he said, laughing, "you don't want to know the truth."

I turned around, my legs tucked under myself, and looked him daringly in the eye. "Don't I?" I asked, cocking an eyebrow.

His eyes darted from mine to the ground. "No, you don't." He said plainly.

"Oh stop it!" I yelled. "I know you're my teacher and my 'guardian' to boot, but, for the love of Merlin, you're the only one who might tell me something."

"Calm down and ask politely." He said mockingly. "And perhaps," he paused, "_perhaps_, I may tell you something."

I sat there, staring at him in complete awe. I had no idea if he was serious or not. What's more, I had no idea what to ask him. Was he a Death Eater? Whose side was he really on? Did he know anything about my parents' death? How did he feel about me?

I caught myself on that last question. My subconscious had run away with itself again. I hated people who had secrets they wouldn't tell. It's not that I wanted to gossip about everything under the sun, I'm just a terribly curious person. He had a secret. He had many in fact and, up until this point, he wasn't about to tell me a damn one. Bastard.

"You'll answer any question I have for you?"

He nodded and raised an inviting arm. "Any question."

And then it just spilled out. "How do you feel about me?"

The moment after I'd asked that question, I clasped my hands quickly over my mouth. He'd given me an inch and I'd taken a mile. Whatever was between us, platonic or otherwise, was unspoken and, therefore, acceptable. I'd crossed a line. I'd made a mistake that I couldn't take back.

A long, awkward silence followed. I kept staring at him, while his eyes didn't move from the ground in front of him. The nerve endings in my stomach began to spark as I watched his face contort, debating what answer to give, if any at all. He was weighing the options in his mind; to tell the truth or to lie. All I wanted to know was the truth.

Finally, he spoke. "I-...I don't know what you mean."

I snapped. I realized that I crossed a line, but the least he could've done was match my extreme by being equally as bold.

"Oh, for the love of Merlin, giving me your cloak, hugging me, holding me, the constant glances you think I miss. What is going on?" I asked, angrily.

"You need me." He said, quietly.

"What?" I retorted, completely taken aback.

"I've never been needed. I've never had someone depend on me the way you do. You need me and, in turn, I need to take care of you. " He said, as if it were the most elementary thing in the world.

I was incredibly offended. How dare he say that I actually _needed_ him? I needed no one but myself. I stood up quickly, trying to make a break for the kitchen, but as I got to my feet, he grabbed my hand. His cloak slid to the ground.

"Stop." He said, softly. And I did. "I never meant-I just.." He stood up behind me, debating his next move. I stood there, willing my legs to move, but not a muscle would a budge.

Slowly and silently his arms encircled me from behind. "Maybe it is not you who needs me, but I who needs you. To care for. To protect."

I went stiff at his words. I was shocked not because of his actions, but my thoughts. There was a kind of happiness playing in my mind to know that he cared about me. Still, there was a nervous gnawing in my stomach, wondering if his feelings stopped at parental. His actions seemed to suggest something more than platonic.

"So that's all I am to you?" I asked. "An object to shelter from the world. A doll." I tore free from his loose hold, although I didn't move more than two steps from him.

He reached out a single arm, touching my shoulder gently. "No." He whispered. "You're-you're so much more." He retracted his arm quickly after he spoke. "Damn it." He said, turning away from me. "This is so bloody wrong."

I left him out there that night. I left him alone with his own thoughts, his own guilt. I don't know whether or not he noticed, but I went quietly inside. However, instead of going to my own room, I went to his room and wrapped myself in his sheets. They smelt like burning wood and fire whiskey. They smelt like winter. They smelt strong and safe. They smelt like inner conflict. They smelt like the gray area between right and wrong. They smelt like a loss of inhibitions. They smelt like him.

_How stupid could I be?_

_A simpleton could see that you're no good for me_

_But you're the only one I see._

A/N: I kind of love this chapter. Just a little bit, though. Sorry for the late update. Over the past two weeks I've had 3 AP tests and 2 proms. I stayed up extra late to finish this, though, so enjoy it lol.

**Purple Raveness**: I'm glad you liked it! Hope this chapter didn't come too late.

**Dracoginnylover24**: Thank you for your input, I'm still worried things are moving a bit too fast. I slowed them down more than I had planned to in this chapter. I'll have the next chapter up (hopefully) sometime this week.


	8. Prayer of the Refugee part 3

Stupid

Chapter 5 Part 3

Prayer of the Refugee

I awoke mid-afternoon, the sun a horrid orange streaking across the deep black of the linen. I suppose I had shed my clothes in between fits of sleep the night before because they lie strewn across the floor. I relished in the feeling of satin and silk against my skin. It felt like a lover's caress at every twist and turn. Needless to say, I spent a few moments of bliss rolling in said sheets. I wished I'd spent more time enjoying the feeling before the sun had risen. Now that that burning ball had burst into existence, every move seemed just a little more uncomfortable, a little more stressed.

Taking the top sheet with me, I climbed out of a foreign bed which felt more like home than anything I'd experienced the entire summer. I take that back, there was a certain set of arms, strong and stoic, which held more comfort than the warm haven I'd left moments prior.

I walked to the bathroom adjacent to his room simply to stare at my form in the mirror. Tentatively and with the door still open, I dropped the sheet. My ribcage had expanded, my collarbones were obscenely visible and my hipbones seemed to cut through my skin. However, I couldn't help but focus on the fact that my thighs still touched at the top. My stomach was flat, but not concave. My arms still doubled in size when pressed against my side. I was still disgusting.

I hurriedly picked up the sheet and held it tight against my body. I leaned back against the door, willing myself calm. I couldn't bear the sight in the mirror. The body hidden under the massive black sheet, the disheveled hair and that face. The face that looked 3 years too young with the eyes that looked 10 years too old covering the mind that had known much too much before it had even hit puberty.

I walked out of the bathroom and down the stairs, still clad only in the sheet, only to discover my potions professor asleep on the couch, clutching the pillow I'd slept on the night before. Though I was in no position to judge attire, the picture laid out in front of me was quite comical and not at all what I'd expect.

He wore nothing but a pair of white boxer shorts and a black undershirt. Curled up in as much of a ball as the slim perimeter of the couch would allow, he clutched the pillow with as much vigor as a sleeping person could muster.

I sat behind the railing of the staircase, a hand at the bar and a hand at my chest in attempt to keep the sheet up. A giggle I'd made almost no effort to counter escaped my lips and the man on the couch began to stir. I didn't stop laughing when his eyes cracked open. I didn't stop laughing when he sat up. I didn't even stop laughing when he stretched his arms above his head and let out a low yawn. I did stop laughing when he turned to his left only to rest his eyes on me.

He was quick to clear his throat, stand up and pull on the pair of pants thrown over the end of the couch just as I was quick to turn my head and pull the sheet around me tighter. He stood facing the wall a few moments, then headed to the stairs. He began climbing the stairs only to stop and sit one step up from me. His back rested against the bars I was now facing.

"Comfortable?" He asked.

"Very." I said. "And yourself?"

"Wonderful." He replied.

A strong silence followed our short conversation, the air, already thick with tension, was made thicker by his close proximity and short words.

I looked at him, staring at his lap, and asked, "Loose a shirt?"

He met my gaze then dragged his eyes up and down my body in an exaggerated fashion. "You're not really in any position to make comments on a person's lack of clothing, now are you?" A blush crept steadily across my cheeks as a smile spread with it, in tandem. "How did you enjoy my bed?" My smile quickly faded.

I shrugged my shoulders lightly. "It was nice." I replied softly. "I like your sheets..."

"I can see that." He interjected, not upset but not quite amused.

"Well, you seemed to fancy that pillow." I retorted.

He shrugged in the same fashion. "It-It was nice." He stammered. He looked at me, as if silently asking me if it was appropriate for him to continue. "It smells like your hair." He said in a voice just above a whisper.

I kept him in limbo for a few moments more before I could no longer contain a small smile. "Your sheets smell like your robes." I said in a voice equally as soft, yet equally as bold.

I looked past the bars, into the small room below holding the couch, a coffee table and a rocking chair. The window seemed to glow a bright white as it let the sunlight in. The square pattern it made across the room didn't seem so harsh anymore.

"I think my robe from last night is still on the lawn, if you'd like to wrap up in something that doesn't belong on my bed." He said in perfect sincerity with a touch of humor.

I laughed. "I'd like that, but I think I should get dressed first." I stood up slowly and placed a hand on the wall for support. As I dragged my hand up the wall and my feet up the stairs, I knew he was still watching me. If he had said something along the lines of 'you don't really _need_ clothes', I wouldn't have felt it out of place just then, even coming from him.

When I reached the top of the stairs, I felt the insatiable urge to return to his bed, but opted for my own room. I fished around in my suitcase--still packed--for a pair of jeans, a simple shirt and appropriate under garments. I shed the sheet and quickly dressed.

I sauntered out of my room, sheet folded neatly and tucked under my arm, and walked towards to stairs. When I noticed he had moved, I took it upon myself to replace the sheet on his bed. A few minutes passed as I struggled to properly make up the huge bed.

When I had completed my task, I sat down on the bed and let out an exasperated sigh. I noticed that the house was not completely silent, as per usual. There was water running in the bathroom I had occupied earlier in the day. I got to my feet again simply to explore the source of the noise.

As I approached the bathroom, the water shut off. I placed my ear against the door, curious as to what was going on. Suddenly, the door opened and Snape stood in front of me clad in nothing but a towel slung low around his waist.

I tried to find words explaining what I was doing, but the incredible embarrassment had left my chest constricted and my mouth dry. I quickly shuffled backwards, studying the floor with great intensity.

"It's alright, you know." He said.

"What is?" I asked, my gaze still focused squarely on the floor.

"My anatomy." He paused. "I'm just a bit more exposed than you were half an hour ago."

"That doesn't make it right." I whispered.

He cocked his head. "Are you saying that your attire earlier was not appropriate?" I quickly turned my head to face him, mouth ajar in offense.

"Are you insinuating that I came out wrapped in nothing but your sheet to-to _seduce_ you?" I stammered, furious.

He shifted his weight between his two feet. "No, it was not my original intent, but after such an astute observation-"

"You presumptuous bastard!" I interrupted. "First, you claim I need you. Now, you're saying I _want_ you?" I threw my arms up in frustration, took a step away from him and turned to face the wall. "For Merlin's sake, at least the sheet had enough fabric to cover my entire body. You're half naked and a meter away from me!"

As silence slowly permeated the room, I turned back around only to see that meter distance between us had been shortened by half. His brows were furrowed, shading his already darkened eyes as he made his way towards me. Every step he took forward was countered on my part by a step back, until I pressed against the wall.

The situation threw into sharp realization our differences. I was a mere 5'6" while he towered above 6 feet. Though our skin color was nearly the same, mine was dotted with freckles while his was marred with scars. Even through sleepless nights, my tousled hair retained some body and shape while his wet, black locks hung loosely about his face. Despite the obvious physical discrepancies, there was the fact that I was 16 and he was 37. He was my teacher and guardian. Though nurturing was not in his character to begin with, it was now his legal duty to protect me from harm, not intimidate the living daylights out of me.

My back and palms pressed harshly against the wall as, centimeter by centimeter, he came closer to me. He stopped as his abdomen pushed into my chest, the height of his chest keeping my chin tilted firmly upward, forced to look him in the eyes.

He brought a hand up and began to slowly stroke my cheek. "You have no idea of the knowledge I possess or how I came to learn it. For that, I am envious. I envy your apparent innocence, though your eyes give you away at times. I envy your beauty, as physical appearance has never been a strong point of mine. I envy your heritage, though I do abhor your family's stance on being a pureblood. You've been blessed with this gift and yet you choose to squander it for the sake of 'equality'. Learn to use your beauty and your bloodline and you will compensate for the reputation you have inherited." His voice was nothing more than a whisper as his hand traveled down my cheek to my neck, where it rested lightly as he continued.

"I do not expect you to share my sentiments, but I do not expect you to reject my advances, either." A furious blush spread quickly across my cheeks as the anger that was just raging through my system gave way to girlish speechlessness. He removed his hand from my neck and ran his fingers through my hair, lifting my head from the wall and pulled my face towards his.

A feeling of nostalgia pulsed through my body. I remembered being possessed. I remember Tom fondly. His dark, handsome features, his delicate lips, his encompassing grasp. Whenever he'd request use of my body, he'd kiss me on the forehead, blacking my vision and leaving me to do his bidding. The last time I saw him, he kissed me on the cheek sweetly, telling me in a hushed voice how much of a wonderful girl I was and how much he loved me.

Being pressed between a wall and his chest, I noticed his eyes and the way they were nearly identical to Tom's. I saw the way he parted his lips, running his tongue swiftly over the bottom one before it retreated back into his mouth, just as Tom would do before he kissed me. I closed my eyes as he did and just as Tom would, the desire to tilt my chin downward countered by the hand on the back of my head, urging my face still forward.

And then nothing happened. I waited a few moments before opening my eyes to see he was peering down at me. "Tell me what you want." He whispered, harshly. "Tell me what you _need_."

As if the words had pulled a trigger, I shot to the balls of my feet, connecting our lips in a blinding kiss.

_How stupid could I be?_

_A simpleton could see that you're no good for me_

_But you're the only one I see._

A/N: Jesus Christ, it has been a while. I am so sorry for the time it's taken to get this chapter up. I had a bit of writer's block deciding how to go about it, but I'm happy with the overall product. Hooray for over 2,000 words! lol

I'm leaving to study in Italy on the 27th, so hopefully I'll be able to get two or three more chapters up before I go. Unfortunately, I won't be back until August 1st, so there won't be any updates during the entire month of July. The first thing I'm doing when I get back is buy and read HP&TDH, so I may not have a new chapter up for the first few days of August, but don't worry, it will be finished, I promise!

**rawrrrrrrrrrrr** - Thank you so much! Of course I will continue.

**Dracoginnylover24** - I think so, too. I hope you like this chapter as much as the others.

**YourMidnightCinderella** - Thanks! Sorry it's taken a while to get this chapter up.

**whitehound** - Wow, what a compliment! Thank you! Sometimes, I think my writing tends to be rushed, but thank you so much.

**KK Duke** - I know it's been a little bit, but the chapter's up now. I'm happy you enjoy the story.

**Purple Raveness** - I'm glad I'm able to keep you on your toes lol. Hope you like the new chapter.

**Loverofstorys** - Here's an update for you! I won't stop writing, I promise.


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